What is this???????

What is this feeling of walking along and then suddenly being hit on the stomach with a bat?What is this feeling of utter loneliness in a huge group?What is this feeling of riding bicycle knowing you ll fall? What is this feeling of sudden smile on seeing a lil kids smile?What is this feeling of sudden rush when you feeling a gush of warm air on your face? What is this feeling of peacefulness when the whole world is burning out?What is this feeling of dancing in the rain all of a sudden? What is this feeling of flying in air, walking on water ?
What is this seriously? For every thing there are thousand views, thousand more perceptions and even more importance.Its a bunch of so many things that have impacted in so many ways that one wouldnt even remember but that is wat makes our identity. The prejudices, the feelings, the likes, the dislikes,goals and ambition are all based on those things. I remember one thing distinctly that changes the whole course of my life. Its not something really great or awesome.It was a gesture. a simple gesture.Wen i was a kid all i did was slack off my homewrks and studies.So many excuses to study , so many more excuses to go out and play I remember that one time just before an exam I was crying my eyes out as it was history with huge answers and I know jack :|.It was then that my dad (our godown was right beside ) on seeing me, came ,made me sit on his lap,opened the book and started reading the answer aloud making me read.Those were the times when there were no cells, and then people used to come to house caling tat someone else was waiting for him.... he still coolly made me learn the answer explained me about history its importance ..slowly my confidence built up. I told him to go , i ll read , meet me wwen u re free.Before he got up he told me, "I always wanted to be a mechanical engg, do masters ,have the heighest degree,i couldnt coz of my dads death, had to look after busines.I gave up what I wanted coz of circumstances....I wouldnt want my kids to do the same mistake..... you should do what you want to ....what do you want ?". I immediately with a bright smile told him "Mechanical engineer".He gave a smile and left.I dont know if my dad remembers this either... but that day looking at how much focus and love and time he showed for me....I learnt to be responsible....At that age I dint know what that feeling was... The feeling when your dad looked at you when you failed the math exam .....The feeling when you finally started acing studies.... the feeling of satisfaction... the feeling of contentment at making your folks proud ....whose more that half life was about u.. and the remaining is for u...... who wait their eyes out so that they can talk to u for few mins......who miss you even when you were near them......who believe and make you belive you are something ....... then there is no such thing as bad feeling coz you can always bounce back with confidence.....I is not I anymore....Life feels better.........Now I know what all those feelings are.........It is the feeling of being alive ...............

room of doors- I

Its been like forever since I blogged.let me strt with tis opening....there are too many doors and u genly open the door where u know wat is inside ...even though wat is there may nt be actually good enuf for u and u know tht...u still go to tht room over and over again....there is a time wen u re fed up and decide to open another door...a locked door and the key u ve to search for tht...to make sense of all this let me go back by 2 months.SO here goes….
I just got out of mess I put myself in.And I needed a thingto not go back.Lucky for me I had a nice frnd with whom I can talk for hours together . I was obesessed with reading,it was just mad obsession.It was nt like I was planning to get into amazon coz I knew tht was one of the biggies and already my peers ve been rejected.But as I said it was just obsession to read coz even my frnd was reading heavily for gre and I cud take tht as an incentive for my prep.Thn in between wat wud ve been a big punch thnkfully turned out to be nt, coz I cudnt actually attend the interview but I would like to think I convinced the hr to try me. Thn finally the interview day I remember very well.I tend to become nauseous wen I m tensed and had ejected all the semi converted nutrition tht was supposed to hold me for the day.Thn on the way I had a pounding headache coz I cudnt sleep the previous day.Had to make a quick pittstop and pop a pill and my cap blew away so had to hear an earful frm my dad who was kind enuf to drive me here.
Now interview….well after attending two interviews of othr companies I thought I knew how these things go abt.I was asked to get in and all I cud remember while I was walking down to cabin was---- I shldnt fall down while walking(coz my sandal broke btw).wen I was finally in, the kind interviewer introduced himself and thn we gt settled in.my hands were freaking cold by thn.Imagine my shock wen I was handed a black marker pen and was asked to to stand up to answer the questions.On the outside I gave a smile and ws like ya sure.In the inside I was ballastic and all tht went in me was –is he kidding me,wat the hell.Thn strted the fire of qns. I guess all tht prep gave me some confidence to take each problem he asked me objectively.Throughout the gruelling 1.5 hr I cannot tell u wat went thru my mind coz honestly nthng did.i remember my hand shaking ,throat dryand oly the qns and yaa his glue stuck smile :D.i don’t know y but interviewr was obsessed with giving me coffe and sending me to restroom. I lost the guy’s marker and attempted a fruitless search.The second round was a mix of designing qns and modelling and hr.Honestly I cudnt care less coz I thought my frst round went hay wire.i was playing around with my hands ,and hair a bit,I doubt I was observed.Nyways after coming out we all thought we were goners and iwas like comparing my hr answers where I dint show any team spirit,I was feeling a bit bad tht I cudnt come up with such a tactful answers.Finally the train ride was new,I caught a running train(the train was running ) and ya I had to let my parents have a clear idea tht i m nt gonna get in coz expecting parents are very hard to appease.T hn I called my frnd and after a brief overview on my day which took like 1.5 hrs she said I did fine. Thn rite after a week ,on december 4th wen I was with my frnd watching sawariyaan I gt a call confirming my place.Well wat can I say sawariyaa is the movie where I had an awesome time watever may be the reasons[:DD].
All this just goes ahead to prove tht everything is upto us.How we turn out in the end…….its our choice….if we call it quits coz we ve no shot…..if we just blame everything on ppl around us for giving us a tuff time……if we just limit ourselves afraid to push to the limit…….if we are afraid to take a chance…….or IF WE JUST DECIDE ENUF IS ENUF and go ahead and do something abt ourselves.
Next blog abt the othr month.