My packed week has just gotten over and m in interim for another hell of a month. So I am here. Wanted to write something cuz if not ill lose touch with my good for nothing hobby. Let me see where to start. How to start is more appropriate. I don’t know. Basically my life somewhat sukcs with montonny. I ve no outside life other than college books and computer. Sometimes feels like just to break the whole shackles ,test new waters ,experiment and live life to the fullest. Whats like living life to the fullest?? I don’t know. I hardly categorize as one of the most coveted person either. So yeah this is the present day scenario. Living life to the fullest for me is letting my creative juices flow, not adrenaline stuff. So where was I ? yaa I was thinking like if there are two things u love , which one you would choose?? What are the intricacies involved?? What are the constraints to look for?? Wondering what got into me, well I just say yesterday it was sudden thrilling unplanned event ( dats as close as I get with adrenaline juices.. hehe) I saw jaanemann movie Its not really a movie u can write a review about but just that after watching it I kept thinking and still doing that.
Ok for those who dint see the movie here is a short summary. U ve a guy and his college sweetheart turned wife which turned sour later due to some misunderstandings. Enters another geek who loved the gal like hell in college but never got around with that anywhere(what can u expect?) so he enters the scene this guy due to some of his own problems decided to set this geek with his estranged wife. But he later on(obviously very late) realize he has a kid too but by that time the geek and gal are engaged. He decides that the other guys love is unconditional she is better off with him. The geek in between later gets to know that the guy who helped him with the gal is infact the husband and that the whole divorce and all was a big misunderstanding. So the geek decides to be the good guy and tells the gal and she goes back to her love. End of story.
Well one thing is here everyone got a choice to make. Like the guy he chooses her apparent happiness more, or the gal who chooses her love or the the other guy who decides to be fair. Does everything has to be so damn moralistic , does everyone have to be so right. The outcome wouldn’t always be rosy would it? It’s a movie and everything worked right . that’s what I was talking about choice?? How do u choose?? What are the constraints involved?? Wish there was some general code for everything??
I don’t know whether this is called selfish or whatever. We live life only once(life after death concept………..…… dude get over it), when we get a chance to make that journey pleasanter , better why not? Why the hell care about whats right or wrong? Why should we give a damn about anyone other than us??? Its beats me when I hear those people who patronize me by proclaiming to be truists, thinkers of the rest. Why is the only question? why ? why?( also the other inherent question ….. are you nuts?)
I don’t know. I was thinking I was really good patriot thinking of the society , thinking of making some difference right from when i had some sense(I got sense of things a bit late). But now here I m, took gre and planning full fledgedly to settle in usa with my dollar dreams.i should feel guilty for my two way selfish crap outlook. But I m not.i just chose the better pleasant way. Why care about the rest when you yourself are not so cared for? When you have some position , when you make your mark you can do something about others. Otherwise I m just as bad off as the rest of the society. I know what am talking is only to ease my guilt(yaa ……obviously I lied b4) but I just cant pick the right choice. Because right is always hard, right is always arbitrary, right ……………. It just can’t be right. . making right choice infact I think right is not the word to use, the word here is moralistic, truistic choice . there is nothing right about one choice and nothing wrong about other. After all we humans only become humane with all these intriacaies. If everything were to be just simple we wouldn’t be where we are now. The most complex evolutionised species on this planet, and probably universe( can t say)so choice. Like this dude mayur( apparently frm moon but sometimes..) says (again I might add arbitrarily, pisses u when everyone talks like that ) choose with heart think from heart.i don’t know , heart pumps blood, dint know it can think. Anyway jokes apart I don’t get it whats the heart thinking and brain thinking. Probably heart doesn’t allow you to weigh consequences, just choose whatever comes to you subconsciously. Brain choice is to deliberate everything after premeditated thoughts like I m doing now. But hey in the movie that I was talking about the guy and the geek chose the brain way, the gal unfortunately had nothing to choose from. Took the only way out. So you see when you premeditate, think u tend to become %^&^&* ethical mostly coz of guilt thing. When you think from heart its generally about you. Which way is the best way out, I don’t know. But one thing is for sure with heart, choice u make is mostly what u want really deep down. With brain, choice u make is what others want, what you are expected to do like that. If that’s the case the heart thing works a lot better for me coz thinking about others or anything like that riles me off like hell coz no one is more significant than you for you is the notion here. And by you I mean solely you.( ya it works for only those who think “I m wat I m” )


My heart choice is to not complete this now. Hehe coz simply I don’t know how to conclude . it was basically random thoughts in an hour pieced together haphazardly. Raw creativity at work!! Seriously no-thinks-outcomes-choice is my way, and my plannings for my utopia is set no mater what. Ofcourse if the unfortunate occurs and I don’t go to my utopia , what will I do, I don’t know, let me see what my heart calls for then. My brain telling me to settle wth good paypacket here some service if possible. My heart is not telling anything as of now. Hehe.