FLICKA

i wantd to write about some touchy movie and well this was the latest one tht i gotta watch and it touches one like hell.its about this pretty black horse named flicka who is from this breed of arrogant horses whom no one wants to tame.so they are usually left at the mercy of lions etc., then there this grl called katie who is totally into horses and falls in love with this beautiful creature.then begins the wonderful story where she tames it ,her father sells her off and she finally gets her back on tht stormy night where flicka to save katie fights with a lion gts h urt but beats death and finally they live happily.these kind of endings dont really happen but it was nice to have to see this misty movie which gives u a sigh of relief.there was a touch in tht horse tht makes u feel so close to all this magical story.i think everyone can emphatise this at some point or the other. its about freedom,its about hope and most importantly its about unconditional love,the love thtat is so hard to find,the unselfish love of the horse towards the gal and likewise.i think animals define love with their innocence,they help humans get in touch with that facet of them which is usually lost in the hectic thing. i guess babies do tht too but well m nt a gr8 fan of thm so i stick to my flicka.............i had a flicka it was nt the happy ending tht was there in the movie but i m lucky to actually have had one,it gave me my hope,love and it gave me strength and courage. i dont think he realizes that but i do...............

Smoke away

With the success of my previous low budget blog hehe i ve now started this high fledged serial.As usual i do run out of topics to write .i wanted to write a burning social issue smoking but what the heck smokers smoke non smokers complain,if cigarette is banned something wud happen but hell the governement has to run rite.Non smokers dont really care much that they actually raise a protest against smoking publicly,then the wise governement would actually have smooking rooms like loos at every corner,but come yaar ab 5 min agar kuch ham inhale(nt so good at hindi) kar hi liye to kya hoga,ab roads pe bait kar hum thode hi hartaal karenge,we are middle class ppl ,we ve to wrok to feed our family.
thts the general attitude of the middle class public.lil do they realise tht by doing so they are nt just creating an unsafe envionment for the future
for their family but their kids have more chances of getting into these stuff as they get intrigued by seeing ppl smoke publicly.middle class complains,lower class bears it all and higher class are the ones who actually do these stuff or are nt bothered much.middle class always get crushed is my feeling partly coz i m in it i guess.i think being in the middle of nything is always gonna be this way.if u re too good u dont ve to worry and if u re too worse u dont really care much ,but the problem comes wen u re just an average u actually ve to worry if u dont make? it will u make it ?
topic deviation is my flair :).nywyas u ll never be in the middle or be just an average if u actually stop complaining and enjoy as it is and work for the top.who knows u might just end up beating all the top guys or ull feel content tht u atleast gave a shot.so where was i? yaaa non smokers next time dont complain do something or dont bother leka pote u l lalways feel miserable.PS: u can apply this in all ur facets of life.

IS DER A TOMORROW WITOUT HOPE?

Life is screwed up ,god it hardly makes sense now.everything seemed so crystal clear just a few months back now......its just so damn twisted.I guess i m overreacting for some of the apparent unfairness in life but i ve gt a plan. A plan is all it takes for hopeless man to spring into action.Anyways wanted to write a lot of things in my blog.......but well time for a fresh start so i ll do that.This is something thats been in debate for a long time atleast for me.EXISTENCE OF GOD? Does he really?how?when?what? a lot comes into our mind.here i would like to cite one of my insightful grandpas ..citation....there was man in his neightbhouring house and after many many years of devotion,they could finally conceive a kid.the man used to take utmost care of his son,bathe him daily,love him and nourish him.one fine day while he was bathing his son ,the son collapsed ...tht was the end of it.the man had lost it ,everything,he had only one consolation to think that god is there he took my son and is looking after him.tht was the only way how the man could survive,could get on with his life with some strength......so my grandfather just told me that day whats the use of debating on that if god is there he i s there if he is not there fine but its ok to believe he is there because that gives us courage to go on,that man needed that and god was the only way he could get that,otherwise he would have been totally broken man or may nt be alive for that matter. There wouldnt be a tomorrow for him.The gist here is sometimes its ok to believe something thats not totally true coz there is no harm in it but it is just a way to heal urself.Well i being the way i am getting overwhelmed with previous generations and condemning them like every othr gen next..... m perfect atheist.i just say one thing false hope may be ok for now,but in the long run it ll hurt us even more.Statistics seem to show atheists more as psychos compared god fearing counterparts in society.Living in an illusion,leaving things to someone not there,it does comfort us.Godfearing ppl are always limited in their brutality to the society.Looks like living a lie is better than sulking and spreading ur dark aura around.Knowledge and analyzing is of what use when they only worsen ur pain.So i decided that it is wise to trod for once a path followed by the herd but knowing that u re just in a dream.After all we fake all our emotions.To get over stuff we fake to be happy,to not hurt others ,to gt something,to not let thm kno what u re u fake it all.This is not a big thing,its just one of the many lies that one has to contend with to make his journey a bit more tranquil.But sometimes there comes a vent and u want to break loose,thats some deadly leap which ll hurt ur defense like hell ,tht the possibility of breaking it down is more.Life is fullof lies,defense to protect urself from getting hurt,however lately my defense seems to ve gone weak or its seems to ve shielded down coz of vexation of this whole delusion,once u think what the hell,lets live normally,lets let our guards down and booom the worst what u feared the most happens.u gt hurt and now u re making pathetic attempts to mend it............ull be successful if u believe ther is someone behind u to make u successful. I want to believe that ....i want to recuperate my broken soul, i want to believe i can,becoz i ve someone who looks after me.I want to believe my plan will work out coz its my last thread of hope.Its difficult to mend nything especially matters as delicate as close to u, wen a series of arrows pierce u ,u ve to fall down And give in but i would like to believe i ve strength to gt back up and resurrect my defenses.It might be an illusion but it surely gives me some light in my dark room,its an oasis in dessert which keeps me going in my path,not giving in and falling down.
I guess thats what keeps so many millions of victims, sufferers going all over the world.i cudnt for the world imagine how so many ppl who ve lost many more in massacres gt over it resurrected their lives and those of their coming generations.i guess its hope that there is still better to come that kept them going.............if they had none of that we would not have any of all this.A man without hope is just living dead man.......some ppl get close to it.............some are just that.......some like me would like to belive that they are not so and pick up thread frm there on.............

i ve been writing so much but i think i cannot post it yet its too.....lite le
so again grooving in my age old habit of musing....today we talk about ..i dont know......lets take a day of my gr8 life like today ..

PART 1

Hmmmmmmmm I started with writing about friends but, felt I m nt yet ready to write about it as of now(emotional subconscious) ,so its due for next time. Lately I m going through rough phase and I hardly recognize what happened to me. I don’t remember h ow I was before, when I stopped being what I was and became what I m now.So this blog is to reminisce one of most sought after(in my family) adventure of a lifetime. My co partner in this fiasco is my dear brother prashanth.
I was 12 years old then and without care of the world.i was just this gal with my head always in books knowing no pleasure of life. My brother was though a complete opposite.He was this cool kid who used to make my boring life hell. Its funny I never thought I would say this but I miss my hell.I just finished with my exams and was gearing up for a boring monotonos summer except little did I know that this was going to be a different one.For the first time my parents decided that we should go to our grandparents place in madras without them alone.Of course my moms brother, our uncle accompanied us in the journey.Looking back now I hardly remember the journey coz maybe I was asleep as soon as I gt into the train.i tend to sleep heavily by 8 30.i was woken up by my uncle.i gt down quickly and stood like a doll. My uncle gave me a small water bottle to carry and I was like I was carrying the whole load making grunts and everything. He had no other go but to relieve me off myburden. When I gt out onto the platform, we were greeted by stinking smell of fish all over and live fish on the ground beating for its life. We just walked through like it was some wonderland with open mouth.there was also this strange language that everyone conversed in. it added to the mystery. We finally reached our grandmas place and rested happily,dined heavily.At grandmas place along with grandpa, my bachelor uncle used to stay.two days went by swiftly and pleasantly.Now u know how bachelor uncles are, they think they are the most disciplined and think its their responsibility to make everyone else follow their monotony.I was shocked to know 5 in the morning would be so dark.WE were woken up by him, and asked to fetch milk by the corner of street. Now we are kids but not innocent, we were like we don’t know language e and stuff like that.The thing here one should understand is bribery starts at very young age, we were told we cud buy our own chocolates with left over amount. We jumped at the proposal and ran along the cold dark streets memorizing what we shld say to shopkeeper.When we finally reached the shop we forgot and just showed milk packet and 2 chocolates.Then we spent later part of the day with out grandpa asking us logical or math questions ,whoever answered is supposed to get like rs20 . we maintained a log book for that.Daily afternoon we were avid viewers of THE CENTURIONS. We decided our characters in that already and lived every episode.One week passed by quickly and then as we would have it we gt bored, missed our parents felt the schedule tightening around us.so we decided to call. We planned our call ver carefully. My brother would take bath and I would be in the attached room.he would stake out ny intruders(my uncle ,grandma) I would mak the call.i made the call and was my sweet moms tone, but was greeted with some gibberish crap.tried twice and met the same outcome.Then we figured out something was wrong , we enquired our grandpa carefully like we are asking for knowledge or something carefully gt the std code for our place and thn spoke to my mom next day like our lives depended on it,told her ‘there is no much time,call us in the nite,don’t let nyone kno we called u’. we may ve been a tad bit carried over by centurions.thn we argued daily for centurions coz it clashed with news.my mom called and we acted like we were surprised and she said she ll come as soon as she can possible a week.A lot happened in the following week.
Now there was this puja room,my bro and I pray daily for 30 min( we would like to concentrate on all gods).One fine day my brother did not come out even after 30 min and I was kinda losing my patience.i was walking to and fro with frustration wen he came outside suddenly and dragged me inside.what he showed me nex t is nothng less to fantasy land.

PART 2

We saw toys,all sorts of,purses, glittery stuff,accessories,handy stuff and more toys.its like toyland oly everything for free. We dint kno what to do. We did oly one thng which we cud think of. I divereted my grandma with cooking and complimentary talk and my bro tooksome stuff packed in our suitcase. We carried this installment business daily and one day the worst happened ,our grandma caught us,but instead of scolding she showed us new places where we cud fine more stuff.basically our uncle used to own shop which he gt rid off now after he gt into stock business.everyday became investing day ,we dint want to do nythng wrong. So we gt up on time had math sessn on time, foregone almost all the stuff except centurions and swat kats(btw I m eraser).Slowly our othr cuzns the twins dropped in along with some more cousins.
We used to have a ball.WE used to play tennis I was no good but all my bros tried to teach me a lot.then we made bow and arrow and played a lot.there were these fat tamil guys in next apartment and they used to make fun of our gang. Sometimes ppl snap and I did so once.i just hit them with my arrow and we all took off in gr8 hurry.Dint go out for like 3 days I think.Then there was this crazy lady downstairs we used to stare at.Then we used to maintain our grandmas garden daily and only once went with her to the most busiest market ever. I don’t remember much, I remebr I was pushed like hell and ya that’s it. We went to kishkinta, it was a gr8 place I had my fist Columbus ride, I was scared like hell and made to look after another kid.Hated every moment but seeing her cry, I think that was the first time when I did not cry inspite of so wanting to cry.My first brush with video games wen we went to that big video game place, I dontrember thename. But it was perfect. We manipulated our uncle to buy us more coins to play,manipulation meaning in the lowest form, by making big eyes and all that crap. Hehe. Then we went for ymca, the biggest swimming pool or something, I think I walked in water mostly, splashed it along, cudnt learn swimming bcoz I cudnt trust my bros theory of lfoating in water.
Everyone wanted in on everything.frm centurion characters t o fantasy items. We argues abt everything like hell hid everything sat on our suitcases wen elders walked in.Infact we dint ve time to talk to our parents either.Then they say u shld not wake a sleeping lion.Well my cousins did wake me up per se.They wanted one of my purses and they were like u re a gal u don’t need and snatched it from me. I warned thm I would tell to my uncle.They did not heed to me, they crossed their line and off I went .I don’t like to be dominated or nythng even if that meant I would go down with them.It was a long while ago I don’t remember what happened after that but I do remember I stil have that purse in my stuff and a lot of othr stuff which we hid in our secret compartment.so wenw e were busted me and prash ly lost like 30% of our stuff unlike others who stashed everything at a place.
Weird though, all the stuff that we lifted were never used.they are still hanging around unused and new.But whenever I see them when dusting around etc.; I think everytime I explore them like it’s the first time with same awe of fantasy.It was my wonderland.For me that summer was not just about hanging around, it was about independence,exploring,bonding and dare i add meticulous planning(he he) and our entry into crime world.There was something about me then ,that i m missing now, it cud be the fun, it cud be the living in the moment concept, it could just be ignorance i m nt sure, wat i m sure of though is
woh lamhe jo guzar gaye
phir kyun nahi aa jaaye
shayad woh lamhe yaad karne ke liye hi hain
jab hamara dil gumsum sa hain
i m getting better at this i guess.

My packed week has just gotten over and m in interim for another hell of a month. So I am here. Wanted to write something cuz if not ill lose touch with my good for nothing hobby. Let me see where to start. How to start is more appropriate. I don’t know. Basically my life somewhat sukcs with montonny. I ve no outside life other than college books and computer. Sometimes feels like just to break the whole shackles ,test new waters ,experiment and live life to the fullest. Whats like living life to the fullest?? I don’t know. I hardly categorize as one of the most coveted person either. So yeah this is the present day scenario. Living life to the fullest for me is letting my creative juices flow, not adrenaline stuff. So where was I ? yaa I was thinking like if there are two things u love , which one you would choose?? What are the intricacies involved?? What are the constraints to look for?? Wondering what got into me, well I just say yesterday it was sudden thrilling unplanned event ( dats as close as I get with adrenaline juices.. hehe) I saw jaanemann movie Its not really a movie u can write a review about but just that after watching it I kept thinking and still doing that.
Ok for those who dint see the movie here is a short summary. U ve a guy and his college sweetheart turned wife which turned sour later due to some misunderstandings. Enters another geek who loved the gal like hell in college but never got around with that anywhere(what can u expect?) so he enters the scene this guy due to some of his own problems decided to set this geek with his estranged wife. But he later on(obviously very late) realize he has a kid too but by that time the geek and gal are engaged. He decides that the other guys love is unconditional she is better off with him. The geek in between later gets to know that the guy who helped him with the gal is infact the husband and that the whole divorce and all was a big misunderstanding. So the geek decides to be the good guy and tells the gal and she goes back to her love. End of story.
Well one thing is here everyone got a choice to make. Like the guy he chooses her apparent happiness more, or the gal who chooses her love or the the other guy who decides to be fair. Does everything has to be so damn moralistic , does everyone have to be so right. The outcome wouldn’t always be rosy would it? It’s a movie and everything worked right . that’s what I was talking about choice?? How do u choose?? What are the constraints involved?? Wish there was some general code for everything??
I don’t know whether this is called selfish or whatever. We live life only once(life after death concept………..…… dude get over it), when we get a chance to make that journey pleasanter , better why not? Why the hell care about whats right or wrong? Why should we give a damn about anyone other than us??? Its beats me when I hear those people who patronize me by proclaiming to be truists, thinkers of the rest. Why is the only question? why ? why?( also the other inherent question ….. are you nuts?)
I don’t know. I was thinking I was really good patriot thinking of the society , thinking of making some difference right from when i had some sense(I got sense of things a bit late). But now here I m, took gre and planning full fledgedly to settle in usa with my dollar dreams.i should feel guilty for my two way selfish crap outlook. But I m not.i just chose the better pleasant way. Why care about the rest when you yourself are not so cared for? When you have some position , when you make your mark you can do something about others. Otherwise I m just as bad off as the rest of the society. I know what am talking is only to ease my guilt(yaa ……obviously I lied b4) but I just cant pick the right choice. Because right is always hard, right is always arbitrary, right ……………. It just can’t be right. . making right choice infact I think right is not the word to use, the word here is moralistic, truistic choice . there is nothing right about one choice and nothing wrong about other. After all we humans only become humane with all these intriacaies. If everything were to be just simple we wouldn’t be where we are now. The most complex evolutionised species on this planet, and probably universe( can t say)so choice. Like this dude mayur( apparently frm moon but sometimes..) says (again I might add arbitrarily, pisses u when everyone talks like that ) choose with heart think from heart.i don’t know , heart pumps blood, dint know it can think. Anyway jokes apart I don’t get it whats the heart thinking and brain thinking. Probably heart doesn’t allow you to weigh consequences, just choose whatever comes to you subconsciously. Brain choice is to deliberate everything after premeditated thoughts like I m doing now. But hey in the movie that I was talking about the guy and the geek chose the brain way, the gal unfortunately had nothing to choose from. Took the only way out. So you see when you premeditate, think u tend to become %^&^&* ethical mostly coz of guilt thing. When you think from heart its generally about you. Which way is the best way out, I don’t know. But one thing is for sure with heart, choice u make is mostly what u want really deep down. With brain, choice u make is what others want, what you are expected to do like that. If that’s the case the heart thing works a lot better for me coz thinking about others or anything like that riles me off like hell coz no one is more significant than you for you is the notion here. And by you I mean solely you.( ya it works for only those who think “I m wat I m” )


My heart choice is to not complete this now. Hehe coz simply I don’t know how to conclude . it was basically random thoughts in an hour pieced together haphazardly. Raw creativity at work!! Seriously no-thinks-outcomes-choice is my way, and my plannings for my utopia is set no mater what. Ofcourse if the unfortunate occurs and I don’t go to my utopia , what will I do, I don’t know, let me see what my heart calls for then. My brain telling me to settle wth good paypacket here some service if possible. My heart is not telling anything as of now. Hehe.